I was shocked to learn that over 65% of marital affairs begin in the workplace and I began to pray about why this might be. Suddenly the answers hit me like a brick.
Firstly, we spend the majority of the week at work away from our partner and if your house is anything like ours you can sometimes feel like ships passing in the night. Secondly, we often work closely with females at work, which inevitably leads to a personal relationship developing. Next the excitement that you once had in your marriage, the longing looks, the thrill, the excitement that you used to have at the beginning of the relationship with your wife starts to happen with your colleague. Then finally we have the secret meetings for sex, the danger and thrill that this gives.
Sounds great doesn’t it! But is it really?
Can we live with the guilt and shame that will burn deep within our conscience as we embark on this affair?
Let’s not kid ourselves here, our wife will find us out eventually!
Do we want to destroy all that we have worked or even fought for?
It’s not only our family that we are potentially destroying but also the other person’s.
If we do eventually separate from our wife and begin a serious relationship with our new partner, how long until that relationship becomes stale and the excitement seemingly disappears, the longing looks stop and the initial thrill is gone? We are then back with the same superficial problems in the relationship that we had with our wife. What then… another office romance??
I am not naive enough to think that this is a problem that only married guys face, many of my single Christian friends struggle in this area too. Society’s constant obsessions with sex are around us everyday, the opportunities are boundless but we are called to be counter cultural and abstain from sex before marriage and my friends tell me that this is much easier said than done! So what advice to single guys- pray! This may sound like a simple Christian response to any situation but we can never underestimate the power of prayer. Secondly, find a battle buddy, someone you can meet regularly to pray with and most importantly share your struggles and successes with whilst at the same time keeping each other accountable.
There is so much that I could write on this issue but the space constraints of this blog don’t allow for it. However, if you are struggling in your marriage and the thought of an affair keeps coming back and the temptation grows, I would like to share with you more practical steps to help you overcome this:
Pray regularly with and for your wife
I can’t underemphasise the importance of praying with and for your wife. Too often prayer is our last resort out of a problem when it should be our number one priority. Praying with your wife develops a special intimacy and problems in your marriage are often dealt with before they have time to take root.
Keep open communication with your wife.
Make sure to have couple time and dates regularly. Time with your wife alone every day can be a time for reconnecting and recharging your emotional batteries and intimacy.
Keep commitment to your marriage.
Keeping your marriage strong needs investment and commitment. It is like taking care of your own lawn. You need to water and trim your lawn to make it healthy and don’t linger by the fence because it is greener on the other side.
Keep your marriage in mind and a high priority.
Control your thoughts and keep your thoughts on a professional level. Your thoughts may not become an action; however, thinking about intimacy with your colleagues or physical attraction may increase chances of acting on those thoughts when there is an opportunity.
Establish clear boundaries for work.
If your colleagues know more about your personal thoughts than your spouse and when there’s more companionship and intellectual sharing and understanding at work than in the marriage, that’s a warning sign.
Image Credit: Alejandro Escamilla
