So, here is a question that I suspect lots of you reading might want to comment on, so feel free. The question is simply this; is chivalry dead?
Let me start with a story. It is stated that Sir Walter Raleigh, when he invented the chopper bike, no wait sorry, let me start again. Raleigh was an English gentleman, writer, poet and lots more. The story goes that when he met Queen Elizabeth 1st he threw his coat over a muddy puddle, to let her walk across said muddy puddle without getting her royal feet wet.
I tell this story to highlight the work of chivalry, but is it still relevant or is it like the cassette tape, VHS and mullets, it has had its time and is no longer the done thing? (editors note cassettes are still in use in my house).
Maybe we need to start by exploring what chivalry may look like in 2018, that seems like a good place to start.
In 2017 The Metro ran an article about some research carried out by Match.com, which revealed that 73% of single women say that chivalry is dead, based on their experiences of the modern man.
Ok, so this seems to suggest that chivalry is lacking, but how is it actually being defined? The research showed that the top 5 types of chivalry women actually like are:
- Call when he says he will/ (84%)
- Making sure you get home safely (83%)
- Not cancelling date plans last minute (82%)
- Sending you a quick text throughout the day (80%)
- Turning off his phone at the dinner table on a date (78%)
73% of women say that chivalry is dead. Metro, 2017
So, let’s base this then on just these definitions of chivalry, does that work for you? Is this stuff important still? It seems to me that this type of chivalry focuses on us fellas being reliable, committed, considerate and trustworthy; men of integrity.
OK, cards on the table. I have been married for 17 years, so I am not up to speed on the dating game. But I do have 2 beautiful daughters who, over time, will be running towards this stuff. As their father, I am looking for men who understand chivalry based on these definitions. I want my girls to find men who are reliable, committed, trustworthy, full of integrity and considerate towards my girls. I am also looking for a lot more things, but it doesn’t seem fair to list it all here, it would take too long. Point is, this is important and I want to see a bit more chivalry if it looks like this.
But, I also want my girls to find a man who loves Jesus. This isn’t an add on, this is central and core for me in the way my wife and I are raising our girls and forming them into amazing women in the future. Now, here is the problem, we have a serious shortage of young, single Christian men!
In the UK we have 2.4 million single Christian women who want to meet, date, and marry single Christian man. This works out in our churches at a ratio of 1 man to every 2 women. This problem not only impacts Christian women today, but also has a huge knock-on effect for generations to come.
If any of this impacts you or gets you thinking then let me suggest you check out this website: www.engage-mcmp.org.uk
Engage is a national network of Christian organisations working to promote positive relationships in the UK church and make Christian marriage possible. Engage will be launching a brand-new book in November of this year. It will be packed with practical stats, consultations and answers to how the church, (me and you!) can have a strategy and approach to at least start exploring this issue and ultimately see a culture of change.
I am in, not only because of my two princesses on their way up, but for your daughters, your sister who is single or the loved ones you know. Oh, and go and throw your coat over a muddy puddle for someone!
Image Credit: Dmytro Tolokonov
