Men share most in the context of activity!
I am more convinced of this now than I have ever been. I think this is because it just feels so awkward talking about the deeper stuff with other men in a circle, or even face to face in a one-on-one situation. But when we go out on the bikes, swimming in the sea or climbing a mountain everything changes.
There is something so seminal in a man’s life when we create moments together.
What is the first question that long term mates ask each other: “do you remember when we…”? A lot of us are doers rather than talkers. It is not true of all men, but it is certainly true of many.
I have a very close friend called Steve. Steve is a rare bloke who can sit down with anyone and just start talking about life. He can do this over a coffee, over a pint and pretty much any other situation you can think of. What is even more impressive is that Steve is equally comfortable talking to men and women.
I, on the other hand, must warm up to the task. If I know the other person well then that makes it all easier, but even with the people I know well it takes a special effort to go deeper and to be open and honest. So, if I am going to initiate a deeper, maybe personal, conversation I am much more likely to say, “let’s go for a walk…” or “are you up for a run…?”
I just think this is much more comfortable and I can handle to spaces where the conversation goes quiet.
This is true for men’s ministry too. I believe one of the things we should all be thinking about whenever we organise men’s groups is ‘how is this going to create a moment, or a memory that we will be able to look back on?’ And, if that moment or memory is something that we can also laugh about, even better!
The other day a neighbour called me round to look at his television. He had lost all the channels and try what he may, he could not get it back up and running. As we were looking through all the menu options, getting lost and confused, we started to talk about God, life and ‘is there anything more to life than just what we see?’ I have a lot of conversations with this guy, but mostly they are short and superficial—that is until we were in the context of activity i.e. fixing the TV.
This stuff works whether we are building individual friendships or part of reaching men as a group.
Another thing is that as I have become a little bit older, I have become a little flabbier around the edges. Sorry if that is too much information. I often joke with my wife that I am still a well-oiled machine, but my one saving grace is that I am still relatively fit because I get out and I exercise—often with my mates or in our men’s group. In a time when a lot of men have fragile mental and physical health our men’s groups can make a serious difference in all our lives if we pitch this right. After all what is the end game? Surely that we and our mates all become mentally stronger, physically fitter, and spiritually focussed on Jesus.
Here’s my #TopTip for this week, start looking for the activities that you can be involved in with your mates and the other guys in your church. Things like 5-a-side football, cycling or hill-walking are all good fun and relatively easy to arrange. If those things are too strenuous for you and your mates think about crown bowling, chess, or darts. The thing is, just do what you enjoy doing and invite your mates to join you.
