Dear Friends, I am writing this letter, so that you understand that I am facing ‘giants’ and need encouragement, more than that I need prayer. It is amazing how when you start out with a project of confessions, the routes taken are unexpected. I am writing these BLOGS not for sympathy or to be told, “don’t worry it will be ok”, but to share a message of HOPE.
Reading Brené Browns books and reading “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young opened up my eyes to how I use numbing agents (food, alcohol, tv, always planning etc.) rather than face the past, forgive or be forgiven. As I have said before I understand first-hand why it is easier to turn away, numb and ignore painful things in life rather than facing those demons. I am “leaning in” and accepting vulnerability, so I can face my ‘giants’, “Short term pain, long term gain”.
I have not been myself through Lockdown and I am sure I am not alone. For the last month I have noticed my frustrations and anger increasing. Being snappy with my wife and saying things that regrettably should not be said to the woman that I love so much. I felt ashamed because this is not the example I want to set for our beautiful son and for him to treat others this way. I do not want to talk the talk, but not walk the walk.
Two weeks ago, after getting angry and frustrated when I should just be able to communicate my thoughts and feelings; I asked Ilse for some space (knowing what we need and asking for it is so important). Ilse and Michael went and stopped with a friend overnight that we are bubbling with. This gave me the breather to have a good word with myself, meditate and seek Spiritual council.
The very next day I took some steps, spoke to a Doctor who listened and guided me to take some anti-depressants to help me get to a place of organising my thoughts and I also started Psychotherapy so I can get to the root of why I act out in anger in frustration – understand my feelings and am able to communicate this to my wife and son.
I’m now facing my ‘giants’ which is painful but necessary as it’s affected me living life and the numbing is not helping me move forward. I would like to feel Joy again, be my full potential self, let others into my life, and be more thankful in what I have, to love those around me in the way they deserve to be loved, to listen and communicate instead of being in the pit of pity.
This morning reading “Jesus Calling” Sarah Young points out that those problems do not have to take us to the pit of pity, but problems can be a ladder, enabling us to climb up and see life from God’s perspective.
I am reaching out to those, whether male or female … If you connect with this and in a dark place, find comfort in that you are not alone. There is HOPE and an answer, and It is not a weakness to ask for help, it takes great strength. I am encouraging you to take a step of faith
… to be continued.
Every month for 2021 I will share my confessions, but also will pop a WOD Workout (Workout of the Day) link to my YouTube Channel.
Keep the Faith, Coach Spencer
