Most men don’t like small talk. But talking about stuff that has an agenda is no problem. A bunch of engineers confronted with a task or a technical problem to solve might be incredibly animated. Take the problem away and the awkward silences begin.
I for one struggle massively with this. If I have to go to a party or reception with a bunch of people I don’t know, I just want to hide in the corner. At parties, I’m the bloke propping up the bar staring into his drink all night, hoping that no one drags him onto the dance floor. Cheese and wine receptions as a school governor were a nightmare for the same reasons.
Of course, not all men struggle with this. I have mates who are amazing at talking to everyone and anything with incredible ease. This isn’t for them.
The problem is that as a man who follows Jesus, our standing orders are to “GO!”. Matthew 28:18-20 is where the orders are written down.
Sharing our faith is at the heart of the gospel. But how do we do this when we find talking and conversation so difficult? (Even more so when it’s about emotional things, like faith, life and death?)
So here are my top tips for all you blokes out there, written by someone who feels just like you do:
- Pray for opportunities. Sounds simple but it’s so true and devastatingly effective. When I was in banking my “switch” was going up the escalators at Oxford Circus tube station every morning. Half way up I would simply say to God, “Please give a chance today to share my faith, even if it’s in a small way, and I’ll go for it!” Whenever people told me that God never answered their prayers, I would tell them to try that one! (They usually got an answer pretty quickly. I suspect because God likes that prayer.)
- A lot of faith sharing is about listening. Don’t do the classic “life, death, resurrection, creeds, all of the gospel in one breath” approach. People need to be listened to. I can’t emphasise that enough. Effective conversation often means you hardly say anything at all. In fact, it’s amazing how many people will tell you they really enjoyed talking with you, when all you said is:
“Hmmm, yes … I know … hmmm … right … really … wow … yes I saw that … hmmm.
All it might take from you is a comment like, “well I pray a fair bit and if you don’t mind I’ll pray for you and this situation.” The seed has been sown. Follow it up a week or so later with a comment like: “I’ve been praying for you, so how’s it going?” Be prepared to share more! - Build up to this slowly. Don’t expect this sort of thing to happen overnight. You may need to build your faith. So next time you are both in the garden cutting the grass, pray that you have a chance to chat. That’s all; just a chat! Pray that next time, more of life is shared or that you have a chance to have a mug of tea together. Pray that the deeper things going on in life are spoken about. Be prepared at anytime to implement the offer of prayer.
- Have your story ready. It doesn’t have to be dramatic! You don’t need to be an ex-government assassin or crime baron. Your story is hard to beat and it’s a great way to share about Jesus.
- Have some guts and invite your mate to a CVM style level 1 or level 2 type event. Or just go out somewhere and do some stuff. I’ve led a mate to Jesus whilst sitting down by a river doing some pike fishing. Getting shoulder to shoulder in the context of an activity is when men talk most. Look at most men when they walk into a room. They cross their arms and speak whilst looking over their shoulders at each other. Over the shoulder whilst doing stuff works.
- Be prepared for the long haul. On average it can take 5 years from point of first hearing the gospel to come to faith, having heard the gospel (according to Billy Graham) about 30 times.
So get talking over the hedge, it’s a great way to start.
